


you'll work your thumbs till they're sore, and you'll work my heart till it's raw

by Maharetchan



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 15:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11992542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maharetchan/pseuds/Maharetchan
Summary: Monza throws both of them off their balances.





	you'll work your thumbs till they're sore, and you'll work my heart till it's raw

**Author's Note:**

> i have Emotions, ok?

Their car breaking down in the middle of nowhere, too late at night to be able to call for roadside assistance in Italy and on a fucking Sunday, it's the perfect ending to this shitty weekend, Sebastian thinks as he curses under his breath, feeling a rush of pure anger through his body as he starts hitting the steering wheel with open palms a few times, until the sharp pain in his bones deters him.

 

“That's not gonna help, you know.”

 

Kimi's voice is calm, without any trace of irritation in it; it makes him sound like a parent trying to chastise a young child, and it's almost humiliating. Sebastian abandons his head against the cold windowpane, eyes closed, trying to regulate his breathing even though his whole body is so tense it hurts. He feels so small, so stupid and his little outburst makes him feel even worse.

 

“I know. I'm sorry.”

 

Kimi reaches out from his seat to run a hand through his hair, and Sebastian leans into the touch to find something, anything, able to ground him down once again before he loses himself completely and disappears into nothing.

 

He doesn't think he deserves to feel so angry: Kimi should be the one punching inanimate objects and cursing, he's much more entitled to rage than he is. And yet he's so calm, and Seb can't decide if it's a true and honest feeling or if it's a show of maturity he's pulling up just for him.

 

To keep both of them together before shit truly hits the fan and they end up unraveling beyond repair.

 

“Should we call someone to come and pick us up?”

 

Sebastian shudders at the thought: he doesn't want to see anyone anymore, doesn't think he's strong enough to handle more disappointed faces, more pity and more pretending to be positive and happy for the rest of the evening. He has done enough of that shit: he thinks he deserves to be able to sink in his own depression for one night.

 

He shakes his head: Kimi kisses his temple and nods.

 

They book a room in the first open inn they can find, and even though the owners most likely recognize them, they are gracious enough not to say anything and treat them like any other customers.

 

Sebastian showers first, letting the hot water wash over him until it almost hurts, making his skin red and sensitive: he puts his palms against the cold tiles, breathing in and out fast until his head feels lighter and empty, trying to dull the disappointment and bitterness he feels, but without really succeeding.

 

This is all his fault: he got too comfortable, and at some point along the way, he stopped pushing as hard as he was doing at the beginning of the season. And now his lead is gone, Lewid has jumped him and he can feel the championship slipping away from under his fingers.

 

He resists the temptation to punch the wall until his knuckles split and his hands break, because he knows that not even that amount of pain will take his mind off that sense of absolute helplessness he feels now. 

 

You're not good enough, you used to win because you were lucky, you had the best car, but deep down you're just a nobody, an average driver that no one will remember. All your golden days are gone and people can finally see how useless and untalented you are.

 

That's what people must be thinking right now: that what he thinks as he's lying down on the bed, waiting for Kimi to come out of the shower, hair damp against the pillow and his body completely boneless and weak.

 

A few years ago, he would've felt adrenaline and hunger pumping through his veins at the prospect of having to fight his way back to the top with claws, teeth and nail, destroying anything and anyone who was in his way. But now he feels so inexplicably tired that just the thought of having to do it all over again, to rebuilt his season from scratches leaves him numb.

 

Sebastian presses his palm hard against his eyes, to kick back the bitter tears that are burning behind them. All he wanted to do after the race was run away, scream and hide: but he faced the crowd, cheered together with them, he smiled and was polite in interviews to keep up the morale of the team, but now he feels so utterly empty, so defenseless against his dark thoughts.

 

Like there is nothing left for him, nothing he can use to help himself. Nothing, except Kimi.

 

“Stop over thinking this. It doesn't do you any good. And most importantly, it doesn't do me any good.”

 

Kimi flops on the bed next to him, gathering Sebastian in his arms, even though the other man doesn't seem to the in the right condition to respond to his attentions: he sighs, and Seb shrugs against him, looking away, eyes absent and almost empty.

 

“I'm sorry; you're right. I can win the championship next year or the year after that. It's no big deal really.”

 

He feels Kimi take a deep breath, as his hands stop caressing him and he suddenly misses that warm feeling against his skin.

 

There's a long pause for a moment, and Sebastian doesn't dare looking up to meet his eyes: that's another thing to add to the list of things he's not ready to face right now.

 

“You'll win, stop saying shit like that. It's only three fucking point. Took me only one to beat him in 2007.”

 

But all Sebastian does is shake his head, Kimi's words reaching him almost distorted, like their meaning is getting lost in all the fucked up feelings his body is full of right now. So he barely listens to them, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“He jumped me, Kimi. He fucking jumped me.”

 

“He jumped Nico too last year. We all saw how it went down in the end."

 

Seb lets out a strangled laugh that sounds more like a snarl.

 

“Nico had his same fucking car; he could fight Lewis on equal terms. I can't, not when I can't push, I can't go fast and I can't win. I don't think this is something I can bounce back from...”

 

Kimi suddenly grabs his hair hard, making him gasp at the sudden pain, pulling his head up so now they're finally facing each other. And Sebastian has nowhere to go, nowhere to hide and he can't look away because Kimi's eyes are wide, angry and so full of love they make him want to reach out and kiss him, take his cock into his mouth, fucking himself on him so he'll be able to feel something that is not this sharp edge of pain that drives him mad.

 

“Listen to me very well, cos I have no intentions of fucking repeating myself. You're a fucking amazing driver, you're a champion and you will bounce back from this. We will bounce back from this. And you will win this fucking championship for both of us, because I swear to God I cannot wait to erase Lauda and Wolff's smiles off their faces for good. Are we clear?”

 

Sebastian looks at him for a long time, slowly and steadily coming back to himself, feeling Kimi's love and trust, his absolute admiration for him in the way his fingers trace his face, as his lips whisper warm breaths against the curve of his lips. He holds on to Kimi desperately, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face against his chest, pushing both of the flat on the bed.

 

He can breath more easily now, as he focuses on Kimi's touches, on the delicate and gentle way he has to keep him close, to get his feelings to pass so easily between the two of them. 

 

“We're clear.”

 

Kimi kisses him, over and over, with a desperate urgency that has nothing of the urgency they share before a good fuck, keeping him in arms and touching him anywhere he can reach, and Sebastian can feel his body relax into it, abandoning himself at Kimi's mercy because he knows he's safe there, that no one could ever touch either of them as they hold each other so close together, without letting go.

 

He places his head right where Kimi's heart is, listening to his heartbeat as the other man turns off the light and wraps them safely under the covers. They kiss again, feeling sated and satisfied even just with that contact.

 

Sebastian knows his disappointment and anger aren't gone, but he closes his eyes anyway, allowing them to slip away for now, far away from him as he focuses on Kim's breathing, on his hands on his skin, on the warmth of his body as he slowly falls asleep.


End file.
